Monday, July 12, 2010 Working Parents Guilt As a result of not being able to tend to one’s child because of work, a lot of parents end up with a gnawing feeling of guilt. Even those who work from home may easily be plagued by such guilt.  For a lot of us who are “saddled” with this guilt, we simply try to ignore it as much as we can. But newsflash: we are being hugely unfair to ourselves this way. Living with guilt is like driving a car with the handbrakes on. This negative feeling would always drain you of energy; it could always leave you feeling miserable. Get rid of this extra baggage by resolving this issue once and for all. I always tackle an issue by going back to its root causes so we can objectively deal with it; and to objectively deal with it means changing our perspective about the matter. Let us start with some basic background: Two of the most common work/kid guilt battles: 1. Dual Income Families Over the past 20 years, the workplace has significantly evolved from being male-dominated to one that welcomes women even up to the highest rung of the ladder. The traditional notion of women getting hitched to marital bonds and ending up staying at home after graduating college is fast becoming a thing of the past. It does not matter if one of the parents works at home — he still has to distance himself from the child when he is working (or else, he could not do anything at all!) The work vs. child guilt is especially evident during the child’s first 3 to 4 years. These are our children’s formative years and it’s natural to wish that you could spend every minute of the day with them. 2. Single Parent It may be difficult for men to admit this, but a female single parent is more susceptible to the “working parent’s guilt” compared to a guy. For a lot of us men, we can easily whisk our child to our parents or in-laws so we can focus on our career. We much rather our child be financially secure than to spend hours on end with him, but leave him with less. Most common reasons for working despite guilt: 1. Financial Bills have to be paid. The children’s education doesn’t come cheap, and when they go to college, it will get worse on the pocket. Single parents have no other choice but to go out and work. Dual income families do it to make ends meet. It’s a fact of life. 2. Stuck with the responsibility A single parent has no other choice. He/She is stuck with the responsibility of going out to make sure there is food on the table. For dual income families, It could be that the father have a very lucrative business or a highly gratifying job that also pays handsomely for the family; and the wife inherits a family business that no one else can have. 3. Preferred lifestyle My friend Cathy is an accountant with a MNC. She drives herself to work in a brand-new pick-up truck that would make any guy droll. She could have bought a car but she likes the size and the power of its 230 horse power, 4.7 liter, V-8 engine. Plus, she could well afford it. “This (working lifestyle) is something I have grown accustomed to. I have been working all my life and, except for the short period of rest after I gave birth to my baby, I could not imagine myself staying at home.” When asked about her relationship with her baby, she admits she wishes she could spend more time with her, but adds, “If I would force myself to become a full-time mom, I think I would go bonkers!” Working parent’s guilt may come as a result of having one, or a combination or all three, reasons stated above. But what is guilt? Guilt is what you feel if you think (regardless of the validity of your thoughts) that you have done something wrong. Guilt is a subjective feeling. Mostly, guilt is that nagging feeling if we feel we fell short of certain standards – the question is: Whose standards was it? Are you affected by your mother-in-law who looks at you disapprovingly while shaking her head? Is it your neighbour who says, “How can you afford to leave your child to your nanny the whole day”? Let us go back to the three reasons why parents work as cited above. You can clearly see that all three are valid reasons (even my friend Cathy’s reason) that nobody should be guilty about. Do not be affected by what others would say or think – for all you know, deep inside, they envy you for your successful career. Just don’t forget to balance your career with your time for your baby (and I don’t necessarily mean give work and your kid/s equal amount of time). You may not be with your child most time of the day but you can give him quality time when you are home. You can schedule a day of the week (and I don’t necessarily mean every week) that you can devote solely for your bonding time with the baby. Dear parents, it’s all about balance and the right perspective. You must have thought hard about the alternative of not going to work. But then, you will be faced with another set of problems which would mostly be financial in nature. Or if you are like my friend Cathy, you would be very unhappy and miserable being stuck inside the house: this would also affect your relationship with your child. Nothing is perfect, life is about making choices along the way. As long as you do not forget your priorities, you are on the right track. Count your blessings and enjoy the highs and lows of modern parenting. Labels: Article For Magic. Click here Older Posts Newer Posts 0 Left Blogprints: Post a Comment

Memories Flash Back Pictures of Hubby, Pictures of me. A man can love a million girls. ♥ But only a REAL MAN can love ONE GIRL in a million ways.♥ ◄ ► Misc Please help to click The Owner The Mistress Shi Yin 07th May 1987 @ Muar Hospital (Malaysia) Siling Primary School Changkat Changi Secondary School ITE College East (Simei) SIPMM The Important Day The Mister Jason Seet 25th April 1990 Taurus Stamford Primary School Macpherson Secondary School ` ITE College Central (Tampines) Our 1st Lovely Baby 薛可恩 30th July 2008 Weigh 2.840KG Natural birth with Epidural Gestation Duration : 39 weeks 1 day KK Women's & Children's Hospital Carpe Diem Child Care Center Our 2nd Lovely Baby 薛瑞恩 2nd June 2012 Weigh 3.184KG Natural birth with Epidural Gestation Duration : 38 weeks 4 day KK Women's & Children's Hospital Carpe Diem Child Care Center Say You Love Me Please Tag Before you leave. Calender ♥ OF year 2014 01-01-2014 - New Year of 2014 30-01-2014 - Eve of CNY 31-01-2014 - CNY Day 1 01-02-2014 - CNY Day 2 30-01-2014 - Elvin Birthday 14-02-2014 - Valentine Day 18-04-2014 - Good Friday 25-04-2014 - Hubby Birthday 01-05-2014 - Labour Day 13-05-2014 - Vesak Day 07-05-2014 - My Birthday 10-05-2012 - Mother's Day 13-05-2014 - Mei Zhen Birthday 13-06-2014 - Rui'En Birthday 13-06-2014 - Shi Tien Birthday 21-06-2014 - Father's Day 24-07-2014 - Married for 6 years 27-07-2014 - Shi Wee Birthday 25-07-2014 - Hari Raya Puasa 30-07-2014 - Caen Birthday 09-08-2014 - National Day 05-10-2014 - Hari Raya Haji 23-10-2014 - Deepavali 30-10-2014 - Shila Birthday 13-12-2014 - Mum Birthday 25-12-2014 - Christmas Day 31-12-2014 - New Year Eve Yearns ♥ ♥ Please grant my wishes ✖ To have a driving license ✖ To buy a car ✖ Another Taiwan Trip ✖ PARIS ✖ To complete my Diploma ✖ Holiday Trip to Bangkok ✖ Have a new Pink Laptop ✖ To give Caen & Rui'en a better life Caen & Rui'En ♥ ♥ Wishes to be granted ❤ Her own room ☑ 2nd Birthday Celebration ☑ First trip via plane ❤ More pretty shoes for her ❤ Open a saving account for her Thief of My Heart Carpe Diem Andy Christ Esther Eugene Hui Han Hui Yu Joanne Kel & Wendi Mr Neo Serene Xiao Hui Yi Ting ♥ The Young Mummies THEY STOLE THE CHILD'S HEART Adonica Ai Lin Aalice Apple Toh Casan Casse Celest Crystal Eelin Eelyn Eileen Emeline Esther Chua Esther Etrini Fannie Grace Hui Yin Jacqueline Jasmine Jia Hui Joanne Josephine Joyce Juann Karen Katie Lili Lisa MabeLine Mandy Margaret Michelle Mitchie Peri Xian Phoebe Sally Sandy Sande Selicia Stacey Ng Stacey Suzhen Valerie Violin Xue Yin Yan Ting Yi Ling Yi Xuan Yukiko The recent Beautiful Memories ♥ Family Outing ♥ Lagging to post update 2nd Day 野柳, 九份, 台中逢甲夜市 ♥ Caen & my first virgin flight to Taiwan ♥ adorable puppy~ 3rd visit to Yanling's place Caen ♥ Ajisan Newly Open Blogshop~ 店小二 Feast Reminiscence A BLAST TO THE PAST CLICK 12/14/08 - 12/21/08 12/21/08 - 12/28/08 1/4/09 - 1/11/09 1/11/09 - 1/18/09 2/1/09 - 2/8/09 2/15/09 - 2/22/09 2/22/09 - 3/1/09 3/1/09 - 3/8/09 3/15/09 - 3/22/09 3/22/09 - 3/29/09 4/5/09 - 4/12/09 4/12/09 - 4/19/09 4/19/09 - 4/26/09 5/3/09 - 5/10/09 5/17/09 - 5/24/09 5/24/09 - 5/31/09 6/7/09 - 6/14/09 6/14/09 - 6/21/09 6/21/09 - 6/28/09 6/28/09 - 7/5/09 7/5/09 - 7/12/09 7/12/09 - 7/19/09 7/19/09 - 7/26/09 7/26/09 - 8/2/09 8/2/09 - 8/9/09 8/9/09 - 8/16/09 8/16/09 - 8/23/09 8/23/09 - 8/30/09 8/30/09 - 9/6/09 9/6/09 - 9/13/09 9/13/09 - 9/20/09 9/20/09 - 9/27/09 9/27/09 - 10/4/09 10/4/09 - 10/11/09 10/11/09 - 10/18/09 10/18/09 - 10/25/09 10/25/09 - 11/1/09 11/1/09 - 11/8/09 11/8/09 - 11/15/09 11/15/09 - 11/22/09 11/29/09 - 12/6/09 12/6/09 - 12/13/09 12/13/09 - 12/20/09 12/20/09 - 12/27/09 12/27/09 - 1/3/10 1/3/10 - 1/10/10 1/10/10 - 1/17/10 1/17/10 - 1/24/10 1/24/10 - 1/31/10 1/31/10 - 2/7/10 2/7/10 - 2/14/10 2/14/10 - 2/21/10 2/21/10 - 2/28/10 2/28/10 - 3/7/10 3/7/10 - 3/14/10 3/14/10 - 3/21/10 3/21/10 - 3/28/10 3/28/10 - 4/4/10 4/4/10 - 4/11/10 4/11/10 - 4/18/10 4/18/10 - 4/25/10 4/25/10 - 5/2/10 5/2/10 - 5/9/10 5/9/10 - 5/16/10 5/16/10 - 5/23/10 5/23/10 - 5/30/10 5/30/10 - 6/6/10 6/6/10 - 6/13/10 6/13/10 - 6/20/10 6/20/10 - 6/27/10 6/27/10 - 7/4/10 7/4/10 - 7/11/10 7/11/10 - 7/18/10 7/18/10 - 7/25/10 7/25/10 - 8/1/10 8/1/10 - 8/8/10 8/8/10 - 8/15/10 8/22/10 - 8/29/10 8/29/10 - 9/5/10 9/12/10 - 9/19/10 9/19/10 - 9/26/10 9/26/10 - 10/3/10 10/3/10 - 10/10/10 10/10/10 - 10/17/10 10/24/10 - 10/31/10 10/31/10 - 11/7/10 11/7/10 - 11/14/10 11/14/10 - 11/21/10 11/21/10 - 11/28/10 11/28/10 - 12/5/10 12/5/10 - 12/12/10 12/12/10 - 12/19/10 12/19/10 - 12/26/10 12/26/10 - 1/2/11 1/2/11 - 1/9/11 1/9/11 - 1/16/11 1/16/11 - 1/23/11 1/23/11 - 1/30/11 1/30/11 - 2/6/11 2/6/11 - 2/13/11 2/13/11 - 2/20/11 2/20/11 - 2/27/11 2/27/11 - 3/6/11 3/6/11 - 3/13/11 3/20/11 - 3/27/11 3/27/11 - 4/3/11 4/3/11 - 4/10/11 4/10/11 - 4/17/11 4/17/11 - 4/24/11 4/24/11 - 5/1/11 5/1/11 - 5/8/11 5/8/11 - 5/15/11 5/15/11 - 5/22/11 5/22/11 - 5/29/11 5/29/11 - 6/5/11 6/5/11 - 6/12/11 6/19/11 - 6/26/11 7/10/11 - 7/17/11 7/17/11 - 7/24/11 7/24/11 - 7/31/11 7/31/11 - 8/7/11 8/7/11 - 8/14/11 8/14/11 - 8/21/11 8/21/11 - 8/28/11 8/28/11 - 9/4/11 9/4/11 - 9/11/11 9/18/11 - 9/25/11 9/25/11 - 10/2/11 2/12/12 - 2/19/12 9/30/12 - 10/7/12 4/7/13 - 4/14/13 "> The Heavy Traffic Flows Lijit Search