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Monday, July 12, 2010
Working Parents Guilt
 As a result of not being able to tend to one’s child because of work, a lot of parents end up with a gnawing feeling of guilt. Even those who work from home may easily be plagued by such guilt.
For a lot of us who are “saddled” with this guilt, we simply try to ignore it as much as we can. But newsflash: we are being hugely unfair to ourselves this way. Living with guilt is like driving a car with the handbrakes on. This negative feeling would always drain you of energy; it could always leave you feeling miserable. Get rid of this extra baggage by resolving this issue once and for all.
I always tackle an issue by going back to its root causes so we can objectively deal with it; and to objectively deal with it means changing our perspective about the matter.
Let us start with some basic background:
Two of the most common work/kid guilt battles:
1. Dual Income Families
Over the past 20 years, the workplace has significantly evolved from being male-dominated to one that welcomes women even up to the highest rung of the ladder. The traditional notion of women getting hitched to marital bonds and ending up staying at home after graduating college is fast becoming a thing of the past.
It does not matter if one of the parents works at home — he still has to distance himself from the child when he is working (or else, he could not do anything at all!)
The work vs. child guilt is especially evident during the child’s first 3 to 4 years. These are our children’s formative years and it’s natural to wish that you could spend every minute of the day with them.
2. Single Parent
It may be difficult for men to admit this, but a female single parent is more susceptible to the “working parent’s guilt” compared to a guy. For a lot of us men, we can easily whisk our child to our parents or in-laws so we can focus on our career. We much rather our child be financially secure than to spend hours on end with him, but leave him with less.
Most common reasons for working despite guilt:
1. Financial
Bills have to be paid. The children’s education doesn’t come cheap, and when they go to college, it will get worse on the pocket. Single parents have no other choice but to go out and work. Dual income families do it to make ends meet. It’s a fact of life.
2. Stuck with the responsibility
A single parent has no other choice. He/She is stuck with the responsibility of going out to make sure there is food on the table. For dual income families, It could be that the father have a very lucrative business or a highly gratifying job that also pays handsomely for the family; and the wife inherits a family business that no one else can have.
3. Preferred lifestyle
My friend Cathy is an accountant with a MNC. She drives herself to work in a brand-new pick-up truck that would make any guy droll. She could have bought a car but she likes the size and the power of its 230 horse power, 4.7 liter, V-8 engine. Plus, she could well afford it. “This (working lifestyle) is something I have grown accustomed to. I have been working all my life and, except for the short period of rest after I gave birth to my baby, I could not imagine myself staying at home.”
When asked about her relationship with her baby, she admits she wishes she could spend more time with her, but adds, “If I would force myself to become a full-time mom, I think I would go bonkers!”
Working parent’s guilt may come as a result of having one, or a combination or all three, reasons stated above. But what is guilt?
Guilt is what you feel if you think (regardless of the validity of your thoughts) that you have done something wrong. Guilt is a subjective feeling. Mostly, guilt is that nagging feeling if we feel we fell short of certain standards – the question is: Whose standards was it?
Are you affected by your mother-in-law who looks at you disapprovingly while shaking her head? Is it your neighbour who says, “How can you afford to leave your child to your nanny the whole day”?
Let us go back to the three reasons why parents work as cited above. You can clearly see that all three are valid reasons (even my friend Cathy’s reason) that nobody should be guilty about. Do not be affected by what others would say or think – for all you know, deep inside, they envy you for your successful career.
Just don’t forget to balance your career with your time for your baby (and I don’t necessarily mean give work and your kid/s equal amount of time). You may not be with your child most time of the day but you can give him quality time when you are home. You can schedule a day of the week (and I don’t necessarily mean every week) that you can devote solely for your bonding time with the baby.
Dear parents, it’s all about balance and the right perspective. You must have thought hard about the alternative of not going to work. But then, you will be faced with another set of problems which would mostly be financial in nature. Or if you are like my friend Cathy, you would be very unhappy and miserable being stuck inside the house: this would also affect your relationship with your child.
Nothing is perfect, life is about making choices along the way. As long as you do not forget your priorities, you are on the right track. Count your blessings and enjoy the highs and lows of modern parenting.Labels: Article
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Monday, March 29, 2010
Cooking with Your Kids The Fun Way
Today i read up a new article and find it very meaningful. Wanna know how meaningful? Just read the article and you will know. The article below is more suitable for Mummies~ Enjoy
Cooking with kids can be a fun activity. The sense of fulfillment is given to a child especially so that he is given the chance to complete a chore with you, the parents. Meal time is one of the best moments for the family as they eat together and enjoy some story sharing activities. One of the great ways to initiate sharing is for you child to retell about what he did to come up with the food on the table. The excitement is priceless and the pride you give your child is immeasurable. Of course, you don’t have to let your children all do all the tasks entailed with cooking. Sometimes, a few jobs won’t fit their age like the slicing of ingredients or the mixing of a boiling soup. Here are some things you can do in order to make the cooking experience a memorable one for both of you: - Kids can help in preparing the ingredients. They could arrange the condiments or the vegetables altogether in a group or they could do the handling of those to you while cooking. For instance, kids can stay by you side as you ask for the carrots or what ever is next to be placed in the pan.
- Kids can do the mixture. Sometimes when ingredients are supposed to be mixed up on a bowl before being place on the pan, you can ask you children to follow a step by step procedure while instructing them the right mode of mixing.
- Seek for the right time. You children might be too young or too old for a certain task. They might also be busy reviewing or doing school requirements. Holidays and Saturdays are best times for you to conduct a shared cooking moment.
- Choose a recipe which requires tasks that can be completed by your children. Easy mixing or simply smashing or grinding can be done by your kids without having to spend so much time for its completion.
- Promote safety. Never allow toddlers or little kids to get hold of sharp kitchen utensils like the knife. Teach them or show them how to handle these kinds of kitchen tools. You can also establish rules like washing of hands and maintaining the clean tops. (read more on toddler safety at home)
- Loose Up. Don’t expect your kids to be as clean and as organized as you are. Prepare your self for spillages and leaks. Allow them to freely do the task without the fear of being scolded for some mess.
Definitely, your kids can become your assistant chefs. They could learn creativity, resourcefulness and sense of responsibility as you allow them to freely do their cooking tasks. The kitchen is not just a place for your children to experience life because of the food they eat. Help them achieve a sense of fulfillment as you allow them to cook with you from time to time. Cooking with kids can be fun!
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Friday, March 19, 2010
Easy Weight Loss
Came across this article and find it to be quite useful for people who are on diet.
Easy Weight Loss Some Amazingly Easy Ways To Lose Weight Weight loss is not only possible but rather easy if you know how. Like most things, including building a house, you need the necessary know-how and dedication. Unfortunately, most people set about this task in the worst possible way- ‘dieting’ and fail often enough to give it up altogether. This article talks about some essential facts that you need to know about how to lose weight and keep it off. It also offers some easy tips that you can incorporate in your lifestyle to see changes in your weight. We become fat because we eat more than we need. We will become thin if we give the body less than it needs in order to burn off the excess fat. While it is ultimately about calories, it is also about adequate nutrition and ensuring good mental and physical health for the duration of your weight loss journey. If we restrict the right kind of calories, we compromise with the glow of our skin and the sheen of our hair; we play havoc with our muscle mass and even bone density.
Restricting too many calories can cause us to give up the plan altogether or land up in the hospital. The only way to stay at an ideal weight is to become one’s own food consultant and commit to a lifetime of good food choices. So, don’t start something you can’t stick to for the rest of your life. You’ll just fall off course, feel like a failure, and punish your body needlessly in the meantime.
Some tips to get you started include: 1. We all need to eat what we like. Find foods you like that are also good for you. We all know intuitively that fruits, vegetables, and whole grains give us the vital nutrients and fiber that fill us up at a fraction of the calories that processed foods give. We won’t always have a buffet to choose from but choose well when you can or limit the portions. The sooner you develop this control, the faster you will be on the way to recovery. Ignore this rule and no other diet or plan or fat dissolution system can work for you. 2. Eat before you get hungry. Hunger dulls the mind and affects the ability to make good food choices. Either prepare or plan your meals well in advance or ensure that you still have some reason intact by time you reach the dining table or kitchen. As part of the same logic, break up the three major meals into 6-8 small ones. This has the additional benefit of keeping your metabolic rate higher than it would be while processing the three meals. 3. Read labels and see what you put into your mouth. Avoid eating in the front of the television or when you are depressed. Make eating a conscious act of selecting, savoring, and registering satiety. We use food to fill all the gaps in our personal and professional life. When our stomach complains, we wonder why? Unfortunately for most of us entertainment revolves around food, usually unhealthy food comprising fatty fried snacks, colas, and sugar laden desserts. While we cannot avoid these altogether, we can at least be more aware and control our portions. There is no rocket science behind losing weight. It is more about listening to one’s body and treating food as a fuel and not something that you live and die for.
Remember as there is no ugly woman but lazy woman
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Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Dealing with Couple Fights
 You and your spouse may have made that vow to be one in thought and in emotion when dealing with life. But you must always remember that you are also separate entities who are entitled to your own fare share of emotions and mindsets. It is not all the time that ideas come in unity for couples, thus, conflicts arise. When this happens, marital objectives will not be attained and unsettled couple fights could lead to broken homes. It is not everyday that you may find your partner’s ideas as proper and right for the situation. Here comes your ability to come up with the right plan of action to resolve misunderstandings. The following are found to be effective methods in dealing with couple conflicts by experts. You might want to browse on and pick out something which could be useful in> fixing your relationship. - Restore love. Everything will definitely fall into place if you substitute anger and pride with nothing but the love you feel for the person. A loving heart is the one that truly understands and forgives.
- Analyze why your spouse has come up which such action you may have found unreasonable. There are times when a person is just forced to say something just to save himself from shame.
- Set time for discussion. Make sure everything is talked about and no single doubt or question is left unexplained or unanswered.
- Establish your contribution to the disagreement or with the problem. It always takes two to tango. A conflict could not be brought by one party alone. You need to know that you may have done something wrong, too, and that you may have also triggered the anger.
- Suggest solutions. You may make a list of possible solutions to these problems which you are faced with. Ask your partner about his own ideas on how to resolve the conflict.
- Avoid prejudgment. Listen to what the other has to say before formulating your conclusions. The other might no longer say his side of the story once judgment is set.
- Be honest of what you feel and what you think. Solutions won’t come to those who are not sincere of their feelings and thoughts.
- Decide on one solution and track your relationship progress after. If things don’t still patch up the way you want, then you can utilize another solution from your list.
- Humble yourself. Learn to recognize your fault and show how sorry you are for it.
Couple fights always have solutions. It just takes the will to resolve them. Nothing will happen to those who are not willing to change for the better and avoid conflicts. Saving your relationship is finding deep inside you the best way to answer your couple problems. Labels: Article
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010
5 Tips to Deal With Couple Fights Wisely
New interesting Article!!! I think i should read more of these article as i often quarrel with Hubby =p
5 Tips to Deal With Couple Fights Wisely 
Having a partner does not always mean a good time. The individual differences between two people may direct them to unwanted misunderstandings and detrimental fights if not handled wisely. Although couples may have loved each other for a long time, battles of ideas and preferences may bring forth quarrel and rough moments. It is wise for couples to take some precautionary measures when a fight is about to begin. There are many issues that bring about conflict between couples. Money problems, career choices, priorities and attitude differences are just a few of the many reasons why couples fight. Here are certain unfavorable situations and some tips to handle them: - Money fights. Couples fight about money issues because they may have difficulty trusting each other. One may not be responsible enough so that the other seeks to take charge. They may have different ways of valuing money. Couples need to communicate their concerns and create a strategic plan for the family budget. Merging of finances in a joint account is advisable for married couples only. Couples should also be together in both times of sacrifice and privileges.
- Allocation of household chores. Although wives have traditionally been expected to manage the entire home, these times of equality means a fair division of household chores between the couple is necessary. Make a plan and follow it. Instead of thinking how to take advantage of the other, focus on how to help ease the burden of chores for your partner.
- Sexual conflicts. The couple’s differences in activities they engage in everyday may result to discrepancies in sex preferences like frequency and duration. Couples should extend intense understanding of their partner’s condition before allowing themselves to feel deprived or unwanted. The partner who fails to devote enough time for sexual activities with the other should find time to make up in return.
- Kids. Couples also fight over how to manage their children. Disciplining children becomes an issue when one is more lenient than the other. Couples should learn to compromise personal ideas for the benefit of their children. They should implement rules beneficial for the kids and not for their own authorities.
- Varied Expectations. Your partner may have viewed you extremely different from the way you actually are. Before getting into serious arguments, it pays to lay down your cards; tell your partner straight about what you can and cannot do. Change is not beneficial if done by force. Never try to change someone according to what you want.
Like any other conflict, couple fights are best resolved when they communicate with each other. A quality time together to open up will heal pains and will push for a better understanding of each others’ needs. Labels: Article
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Memories
Flash Back
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◄ | Pictures of Hubby, Pictures of me.
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A man can love a million girls. ♥ But only a REAL MAN can love ONE GIRL in a million ways.♥
Misc
Please help to click
The Owner
The Mistress
Shi Yin
07th May 1987
@ Muar Hospital (Malaysia)
Siling Primary School
Changkat Changi Secondary School
ITE College East (Simei)
SIPMM
The Important Day
The Mister
Jason Seet
25th April 1990
Taurus
Stamford Primary School
Macpherson Secondary School
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ITE College Central (Tampines)
Our 1st Lovely Baby
      
薛可恩
30th July 2008
Weigh 2.840KG
Natural birth with Epidural
Gestation Duration : 39 weeks 1 day
KK Women's & Children's Hospital
Carpe Diem Child Care Center
 
Our 2nd Lovely Baby
  
薛瑞恩
2nd June 2012
Weigh 3.184KG
Natural birth with Epidural
Gestation Duration : 38 weeks 4 day
KK Women's & Children's Hospital
Carpe Diem Child Care Center
 
Say You Love Me
Please Tag Before you leave.
Calender ♥
OF year 2014
01-01-2014 - New Year of 2014
30-01-2014 - Eve of CNY
31-01-2014 - CNY Day 1
01-02-2014 - CNY Day 2
30-01-2014 - Elvin Birthday
14-02-2014 - Valentine Day
18-04-2014 - Good Friday
25-04-2014 - Hubby Birthday
01-05-2014 - Labour Day
13-05-2014 - Vesak Day
07-05-2014 - My Birthday
10-05-2012 - Mother's Day
13-05-2014 - Mei Zhen Birthday
13-06-2014 - Rui'En Birthday
13-06-2014 - Shi Tien Birthday
21-06-2014 - Father's Day
24-07-2014 - Married for 6 years
27-07-2014 - Shi Wee Birthday
25-07-2014 - Hari Raya Puasa
30-07-2014 - Caen Birthday
09-08-2014 - National Day
05-10-2014 - Hari Raya Haji
23-10-2014 - Deepavali
30-10-2014 - Shila Birthday
13-12-2014 - Mum Birthday
25-12-2014 - Christmas Day
31-12-2014 - New Year Eve
Yearns ♥
♥ Please grant my wishes
✖ To have a driving license
✖ To buy a car
✖ Another Taiwan Trip
✖ PARIS
✖ To complete my Diploma
✖ Holiday Trip to Bangkok
✖ Have a new Pink Laptop
✖ To give Caen & Rui'en a better life
Caen & Rui'En ♥
♥ Wishes to be granted
❤ Her own room
☑ 2nd Birthday Celebration
☑ First trip via plane
❤ More pretty shoes for her
❤ Open a saving account for her
Thief of
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